Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
