come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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