I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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