I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
