It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
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I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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