the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
