You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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