I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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