Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
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Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
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I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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