sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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