Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
