He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
