I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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