i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
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