Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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