my phone needs a breathalizer
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize