I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
