youre lurking in front of me
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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