thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
