I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
