3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I fill condoms, not promises.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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