you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
