sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
