I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
