yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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