girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
