honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
oh yeah. preciate
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?