ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave