is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
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i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
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You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops