He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
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explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
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I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"