Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
