Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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