Jerry, you need to find god
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
