i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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