I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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