I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
