Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
