Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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