U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
