We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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