he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
