It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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