I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
