She announced her abortion via fbk
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
