I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
