i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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