Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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