Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
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You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
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Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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