Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
