What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
