Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
this hospital has no fireball
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
