he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
