yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
