I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
