Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
