like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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