First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
