He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
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I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
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someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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