i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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