Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Let's get the cat blown out
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
