Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
